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Road to 100: #98 StarFox Assault

Road to 100: #98 StarFox Assault

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With the relatively recent announcement of StarFox Zero, I took a look at my Beaten Games List and saw that I had not ever beaten a StarFox game. After all of my years of Super Smash Bros., I should have at least beaten ONE StarFox game. I mean, my main brawler was Falco, so by all rights I should do the series some justice.

What they say about StarFox is true: the newer games are just not good. I’d played a little StarFox Adventures before – but not beaten it – and now that I have had a full serving of StarFox Assault, I can say with confidence that these games are pretty bad.

Everything about this game is clunky. The controls are slippery, the interface is beyond confusing, the mapping system is worthless. Even the voice acting is subpar. I could go on… But before I do, I HAVE to make a complaint about the vehicles.

StarFox games are famous for their Arwing levels. I’ll be honest; those levels were my favorite. I loved blasting bad guys while feeling in control (relatively) of a spaceship/airplane thingy.

But GOOD LORD, the Landmaster. It’s almost unusable. The GameCube controller has two joysticks for optimum control – just like the Xbox and PS2. But in the Landmaster, that doesn’t matter. I love zooming around in vehicles, but the Landmaster feels like I’m an old lady using a bookshelf for a walker. I try to move right while aiming left (it seems simple enough), but the Landmaster almost audibly says, “Don’t worry, Andy. I know that THIS is what you really want.” And I’m no longer zooming. I’m hovering/crawling/scooting ETREMELY slowly to the right. I can do nothing but watch my idiotic tank get BOMBARDED with the flood of enemies that seem to inhabit every free inch of the land and air. Yeah. I said land AND air. Both. And all coming at me, of course.

Other than the basic mechanics and core gameplay elements of StarFox Assault, this game was pretty fun. I liked messing around as Fox, and I enjoyed parts (albeit few) of the story.

I would NEVER in a million years recommend this game. But if you are desperate for a game to push you one step closer to 100 beaten games, then do your best to endure this one. It’s a… doozy.

#98. As Knuckles would say in Sonic Adventure, “Two more left.”

You can follow Andy on Twitter @vElectricv.

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